Terms of Use

Acceptance of Terms

By accessing or using this website, you agree to be bound by these Terms of Use. If you do not agree to these terms, please do not use the site. These terms apply to all visitors, subscribers, and customers.

Nature of Content

All editorial content published on this site is satirical and fictional. Articles, headlines, quotes, statistics, and named individuals within articles are invented for comedic and satirical purposes. Nothing published here should be understood as factual reporting.

Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is coincidental and unintentional. The Midden Report does not report actual news. If you are uncertain whether a given article is satire, it is satire.

Use of the Site

You agree not to:

• Reproduce, republish, or redistribute site content without attribution and a link to the original
• Present satirical content from this site as factual news
• Use the site in any manner that could damage, disable, or impair its operation
• Attempt to gain unauthorized access to any part of the site or its infrastructure
• Use automated tools to scrape or harvest content without permission

Intellectual Property

All content on this site, including articles, headlines, images, and design elements, is the property of Midden Report and is protected by applicable copyright law.

You may share links to articles and quote brief excerpts for commentary or criticism, provided attribution is given. Wholesale reproduction of articles is not permitted without written consent.

Shop and Orders

Merchandise orders are subject to product availability. We reserve the right to cancel orders that cannot be fulfilled and will issue a full refund in such cases.

All sales are final unless an item arrives damaged or materially different from its description. Shipping estimates are provided in good faith but are not guaranteed.

Payment processing is handled by Stripe. By placing an order, you agree to Stripe's terms of service in addition to these terms.

Newsletter

By subscribing to The Dispatch, you agree to receive periodic email from Midden. You may unsubscribe at any time using the link included in every issue or via the unsubscribe page on this site. We will honor all unsubscribe requests promptly.

Disclaimer of Warranties

This site is provided on an "as is" basis without warranties of any kind, express or implied. We do not warrant that the site will be uninterrupted, error-free, or free of harmful components. Your use of the site is at your own risk.

Governing Law

These terms are governed by applicable law. Any disputes arising from use of this site shall be resolved through good-faith negotiation where possible.

Changes to These Terms

We may update these terms at any time. Changes will be reflected in the revised date at the top of this page. Continued use of the site after changes constitutes acceptance of the updated terms.

Contact

Questions about these terms can be directed to us via our contact page.